It is very easy to spot and detect a Guido, their slime & stench covers Long Island. First off, they always make it a point to look exactly like each other, so they are easy to spot when in a large group, and they usually always travel in large, annoying groups. Many of our readers already know exactly what they look like and how they act. In case you do not or are unsure, here are some guidelines:

Be on the Lookout for:

1) an excessive blowout haircut
2) a full pound of gel entrenched in their hair that gives it the texture of a bag of nails
3) an unnatural and often disturbing orange tan
4) the only males that ever enter the tanning salon for that matter
5) the guy in front of a mirror when you show up at the gym and standing in front of the same mirror when you leave an hour later
6) the guy that wears a button down shirt but can’t learn how to use the top two buttons
7) the ones that never worked hard in their life
8) the ones that make it a point to serve no greater purpose for society
9) the guy who acts tough all the time, even when having a conversation with his grandmother
10) those who try so hard to act like they are in the mafia
11) the fools who kiss anyone’s ass who they think has even remote ties to the mafia
12) the kids who drive expensive cars that their parents bought for them, mostly low end BMW’s, but couldn’t change their oil if their life depended on it
13) those people who think gangster rap music takes a tremendous amount of talent
14) the ones who only watch sports when they are betting on the games
15) those who just emanate  a natural “douche bag” aura

If these characteristics are too difficult to remember, just use this general guideline:  Think of the exact opposite of what it means to be a real man…now you’ve got a Guido.

Test your new knowledge - These people are:    A) Douchebag Guidos      B) All of the above