High School Teachers - A message to all high school teachers

If you see a student beginning to turn into a Guido you must act quickly. The blow out haircut is the first obvious sign that your student is having a personality crisis and is attempting to achieve an identity. An Armani Exchange t-shirt or something from the "ITALIA" line of clothing would be another giveaway. Remember: time is of the essence and it won't be long before the overall Guido attitude sets in. You must act quickly. Speak to him and let him know that he is not a loser and that he should follow a practice known as "being yourself". If this does not have the desired effect a phone call to the parents would be our next recommendation. If that fails then it is out of your hands and there is nothing you can do, he has reached the point of no return. He has been contaminated with the Guido mentality and is highly contagious. Other students are now at risk as he will try and convince more weak and lost kids to become Guidos. He must now be quarantined, isolated and put into special Guido classes in order to limit his interaction with normal students. Don't be down on yourself if you have failed. There is nothing else that can be done and you must concentrate your efforts on those who still have a chance to turn back.

Signs of Failure:
-Your student has regular appointments at the tanning salon during his lunch break
-He wears a button down shirt to 3rd period -He stops engaging in all athletic activities
-His level of intelligence and comprehension drops tremendously
-He begins to talk with a "street slang" when reading off the incorrect answers to his math homework -He begins to degrade and talk back to his female classmates when they look at him and say "hello."

The scientists at Get Off Our Island have gone out into the field and ran some in depth studies on what you gain and what you lose when you become a guido. After 10 minutes of research, here is what they found:

What you Gain: Automatic fake friends; A rubber stamped douchebag personality; A new line of Armani Exchange and "ITALIA" Shirts and Pants; The company of dumb skanky girls.
What You Lose: Your Soul; The respect of everyone around you; Your intelligence; Any good character qualities you may have had; Your athletic ability; The potential for a drug free and disease free life.